I have two phone interviews this week, and I am nervous as can be. I am trying to calm myself with reassurances, research, and tons of prep work. But let's be realistic: there's so much riding on me getting a job. My entire family has my back, but sometimes it feels like they are riding my back, too.
Everyone means well, but everyone also has their two cents to give (sometimes quite unasked). I have filtered out the noise and the negative, and kept the good and the helpful. Unfortunately, there's been a lot of noise…
Yes, I know I need to get a job (duh). Yes, I have considered a recruiter (adds to To Do List). No, I have not spoken to Mr. So-And-So about his company (which is totally not somewhere I want to work). Yes, I am worried about benefits (double duh). Yes, I know it's all going to work out in the end (right? right!). No, I have not spoken to Employee Relations again (why on earth would I?).
It's just hard to rehash and relive this horrible part of my life over and over again. I'm actually in a good place right now, but going back over all the details (again) is unnecessary and, frankly, damaging to my psyche. I need to move on (and you do, too). So I am.
I am knee-deep in preparing for my first interview. I've googled the company, reviewed the job posting, written out a list of questions and back-up questions, have my resume ready to go, and plan on having everyone out of the house for the call. Thankfully, the interviews are two days apart so I can get ready for one, then move on to the next and have a minute of downtime to refresh myself. (And over-think the first interview.)
The pressure of getting a new job is pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to focus on the positive things: extra time with my daughter before she starts kindergarten, a chance to reinvent my corporate identity, the potential to make more or have better benefits, time to figure out what is most important to me.
But the negatives are absurdly suffocating: no money coming in, no health insurance yet, too much time to think and get depressed, feeling like I have totally and completely let down every single person I love because I am a giant failure for getting fired.
That last one is the killer. It stalks me all day and all night. It steals my sleep and causes more self-doubt than I ever knew I could handle.
I failed. I failed them. I failed myself.
I know there is a greater plan or purpose to all this, but every day is a new struggle to remember just that and to quiet the twin voices of doubt and fear and conquer this mountain that fell in my path, unasked.