Mad. Angry. Really mad and really angry. Hurt. Confused. And repeat.
I just got fired after almost 15 years with the same company. To say I am in shock is an understatement. How do I tell my husband? How do I tell my five-year-old daughter? But I digress…
They came for us around closing time. The corporates. The big bosses. The upper level management. Two of them. A him (white, middle-aged, paunchy) and a her (black, 50s, coiffed).
They strolled in, confident in their right-ness. Ready to look compassionate, but failing spectacularly.
Like a tidal wave of hot air the words burning my ears, “the company has decided to separate you”…like limb from limb? no doubt.
Queue the sad smile on their once-friendly faces. “Here’s a tissue” as a salve for my hot wet tears; “here’s the number for insurance” as an answer to my panicky question.
“Happy 15 years to me!” was all I could muster before the anger exploded from my face in a stream of salty tears. The hives on my neck bloommed afresh.
They fired three of us, one after the other. I was last, hence the spattering of hives. I was the most emotional, unable to hold the lid on my raw anger a second longer.
How dare they do this to you, and you, and me. How can this be happening?! This is not happening.
Shame. More anger.
Tonight I wallow. Tonight I cry. Tonight I take the gut-punch reality and let it simmer.
But mommy still needs to be a mommy. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, mommy.” Her little voice lifting me through the fog, filling my cracked heart, a band-aid to my psyche.
Tomorrow I will hit the restart button and figure this out. Or at least try.